Not too long ago, I was speaking with a delightful woman who was trying to figure out how to let go of emotional pain.
She’s been reading my blog post, 50 inspirational letting go quotes, and she reacted most to this quote:
The problem was, she thought, “Letting go is easier said than done.”
And I understand this concern.
Yes, most of us would think that letting go of emotional pain seems like a GOOD idea but would be difficult to do. Because the brain processes physical pain differently than emotional pain.
Do you ever wonder if healing from emotional wounds is really possible? Can someone really heal from trauma, rejection, depression, a broken heart?
Perhaps you feel stuck, like you’ve tried everything, and it hasn’t helped.
When you feel so broken and defeated, rebuilding yourself and your life feels overwhelming. It’s natural to have doubts.
But yes, emotional healing is possible.
READY TO RELEASE YOUR EMOTIONAL PAIN?
As a healing coach, I see people make remarkable recoveries, becoming healthy, happy, more fully themselves, and create the life they love –- often in ways they never imagined.
Here’s the thing…
Letting go is just a DECISION.
Ok, so I get that letting go isn’t easy when the mind is spinning. At all.
Sure, we have an idea right now to let go of the past, let go of a toxic person, or let go of what hurts, but even if we’re pretty certain, our mind is advising us to hold on. . .
. . .the whole world seems pretty empty and scary without that person. . .
. . .our life revolved around that person. . .
. . .that person is our reason for existence. . .
. . .we prioritised that person over our life goals and dreams, and now we have to let go. . .?
. . . then what about the wasted time. . .
. . .the unfulfilled ambitions. . .
. . .the job opportunity that we didn’t take because we wanted to be near the person. . .
. . .and all the drama we’ve been holding on this far. . .
. . .we feel defeated and we’re so unable to let go. . .
. . . and we’d buy those lies sponsored by the mind and decide, “It’s tough letting go….”
Oh, how we like to hang on to the pain. We like to dig that crap up and talk about it to anyone who will listen because, you know, everyone wants to hear about our pain.
It’s not your fault. Even if letting go is your natural ability, no one ever taught us to deal with our emotions.
We were taught to hold our problems close because we thought we were in charge of fixing all our problems, rather than shifting our focus. We thought we had to take whatever hand we were dealt with.
One of the greatest sources of hurt is holding on to things that are trying to let go of us. The harder we hold on, the more it hurts.
If you notice, the problem with holding on is that we have nothing free to grab the things that will be good for us when they come our way.
You have 2 choices:
- 1. Would you rather hold on to that — things, person, job, places — and then suffer and drown in self-sabotage?
- 2. Would you rather let go and be free?
I think the answer is obvious.
The Art of Letting Go
Here’s what I know about letting go. The most terrifying part is just before you loosen your grip.
But once you let go, momentum will take over.
Decide it let go now.
It doesn’t matter why, it doesn’t matter how you’re gonna do it. Just decide: you’re letting go now.
If you’re not even sure how to decide, it’s just a split second decision like when you jump into a pool. You just go and gravity takes you.
So with this, the momentum of letting go will take you to wholeness. As soon as you make just a tiny little decision to let go, then the momentum grabs you like the force field of gravity — in a very very good way!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been working with a client in the early stages of growth where they come to a call and say, “So I’ve gotten some more clarity since our last call, and now I think the life I want to create is actually…”
And this time of discovery is wonderful and exciting.
But it can also cause your life to feel a little bumpy… But that’s okay! That’s all part of the re-align. It might take time for the external world to align with the internal, but it will happen. And it’s worth it!
Because the truth is…
The fastest way for you to get clarity (around things like your health, your wealth, your relationship, your job, your situation, etc.) is when you let go to CLEAR SPACE.
If you’re still clinging to the past, you aren’t making space for the super good stuff to enter your life. What’s ahead is just a long path of anger, hatred, and pain.
The sooner you realize you are blocking good from coming to you, the sooner you will let go and make room for it. What you focus on, you get.
Since I started to practice letting go using The Sedona Method years ago, I found out that everything is temporary: emotions, thoughts, people, and scenery. If I allow them to just pass through without any fascination, they just quickly dissolve into nothingness.
And my life changed in radical ways.
My heart is warm and open. My mind feels profoundly quieter, yet there are many new and wonderful possibilities floating into my awareness about how can I improve my life and live happily. I feel relaxed and at ease, knowing that all is well and everything is unfolding as it should be.
If You Want Different Results, You Have to Try Different Approaches
Will there be great satisfaction for you on your last day because you were able to hold onto all that pain for your whole life? Doesn’t that sound a little bit ridiculous?
This is one of the big reasons I’m offering private letting go packages to doing a Done-WITH-You-Letting-Go program.
Because I was tired of seeing people spend a fortune to hold on to their struggle and suffering, based on their guesses of what they thought might be happened in the future if they let go of the pain… only to see them have to unconsciously attract the same person and create the same result all over again throughout their lives. For. Ev. Er.
In the Done-WITH-You program, you learn how to let go of your emotional pain. You understand the process, so you can make those tweaks and updates in your life an create the life you love.
Once you learn to let go of emotional pain, it will almost seem like second nature to you. You won’t even give it a second thought. You’ll see how free you’ll feel!
But first of all…
How about some…
Here’s how to let go of emotional pain in 7 simple steps
1. Make the decision
Remember, every time you release or let go, it’s just a decision, a simple choice.
In my experience, the hardest thing about letting go is making the decision and feeling okay about it. The “what if this and that” will be tightening your grip every time you want to let go. But that doesn’t mean the sounds in your head are right.
If you’re mindful, you always have choices:
- “I feel ___ because I chose to feel it this way.”
- “I feel ___ because it felt safer for me to feel it this way. But is it actually necessary?”
This simple phrase rewires neuron paths in your brain. That why, you’re ready to let it go now.
Or, you can also ask yourself:
- “Would I rather hold on to this; or would I rather be free?”
- “Do I feel bad more than I feel good?”
- “Did I give my power away to this person, job, or relationship?”
- “Is this emotional pain real, or did it come for something long gone?”
Sit down and make a decision that you would let go — even though you didn’t really believe it was possible. Do that as an experiment.
As you make the choice to let go and be free, it gets easier and easier to do. The more you can recognize that letting go gives you freedom, the more like you are to choose it.
2. Ask, don’t tell
Did you notice that when someone tells you that you have to, or should do, something, it immediately brings up resistance?
So be clever.
Avoid bringing up unnecessary resistance in the mind by asking it to do what you want it to do rather than telling it.
Rather than telling yourself to let go of the pain, ask yourself: “Could I let go of this emotional pain? Would I let go, if I could? When?“
If you get into this habit, you’ll find that you get a lot more cooperation and less resistance from within.
3. Let go of wanting to make it right or get even
When we think we have another person on the hook, it’s actually we who are hooked and holding on. We seek revenge, getting even, and making it right, even though we create more conflict, turmoil, and heartache for ourselves when we do this.
I mean, seriously, how long do you need to keep talking about that jerk who hurt you 10 years ago? Really.
Let go of wanting to change. Let go of wanting to use the pain to find answers.
Because if that’s the case, you need to hold on to the pain. And the spins are sticky and only will make you feel stuck.
When we feel hesitant to let go, it’s often because we want to maintain control. But we didn’t realize that we’re the one out of control because of that.
If you’re supposed to get the answer, it will come from intuitive knowingness, not from holding on to the pain.
Allow yourself to let go of wanting revenge, of wanting to get even, of wanting to make it right. By doing this, you will discover that there is usually a higher and better way to deal with what is.
I’m not saying that you should allow others to get away with things that are inappropriate. But most of us get very stuck here and repeat the same pattern over and over again.
So I highly encourage you to experiment with letting go of wanting to get even. The more you do this, the more you will find better solutions for everyone’s highest and best good, and more importantly, let yourself off the hook.
4. Emotional pain is heavy
I used to hang on to too much stuff for a long long time. It’s heavy. That stuff weighs me down.
Grudges, hate, anger, stress, all those toxic emotions get heavy, really heavy. Is all that extra weight necessary?
Here in The Sedona Method, we don’t look at emotion as dangerous or toxic. We see that all feelings are just energy coming up to be released. What I meant by toxic is that it has an adverse effect on a person’s mental and possibly physical health, if we don’t release them. We needn’t be afraid of feelings if we know how to release them.
So I highly encourage you to learn how to release.
When you finally decide to release all the people, places, and things who hurt you, I mean really let go, it will feel like you just shed dead weight.
5. Nothing is personal
Some people have trouble letting go of their pain or other unpleasant emotions about their past because they think those feelings are part of their identity.
For some people, holding onto pain signifies a badge of honor — it identifies them as one who has been victimized. They wear their badge to mark their identity and as a means to justify their victimhood.
When we identify with our pain, we view the world through a distorted lens.
I’ve totally been there. I used to think that my scars are a sign of strength, survival, and power. (NOT.)
Yes, I used to feel that my pain, my scars, is my trophy. I hold it up high and shout, “Look at all this pain. I’m stronger now because of it but I’m also angrier.” 😅
I realized that the more I hold on to that, the more I carry the burden of the pain in the present moment and future.
After the process of letting go, I understand I don’t need to hold on to those stories that accompany the pain in order to gain wisdom. I’ve learned from the lessons and the pain. So do I still need to carry this pain? I don’t think so. It’s not who I am anymore.
I’m free and I’m no longer locked up in the bondage of self.
This begins with the desire to release the pain and suffering in order to allow the new, fresh, and expansive energy of life to permeate through our being.
Remember, your past history and all of your hurts are no longer here in your physical reality.
You are not that person who was hurt and broken so many years ago.
Remind yourself that you don’t live in the past anymore and bringing all that to the present or future will do you only harm.
6. Ease off the pressure
Does what you’re doing feel hard?
This is a clear indication that you’ve hit a wall of your own resistance.
You’re probably pressuring yourself or feeling pressure from someone else.
If so, make a conscious decision to take the pressure off by letting go of the pain. When you do that, life can be more enjoyable.
Here’s an interesting fact: You can’t feel others pushing you. You can only feel yourself pushing back.
But if you feel that others are pressuring you, let go of your feeling of wanting to push back or resisting their pushes.
As a result, you’ll find that you feel freer and lighter, and you feel more ease and do what you need to do with grace.
7. Make a commitment to your growth
I recommend you practice releasing to get more of it and deepen your use of letting go. Every time you let go, you’ll get more out of it and create more space.
Take the opportunity to examine your life from the new perspective of high and low energy, and allow yourself to notice how the different emotional states are affecting your life.
Do your best to incorporate the releasing process more fully into your life. Using the method throughout your days is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. It’s where you’ll see to the profound results that are mentioned by clients here.
I can’t wait to see what you create!
What did you do when dealing with emotional pain?
Did you dance, jump, run, and move to release these energetic blocks from your body?
Did you stay with your wounds and feel them?
Or did you suppress them instead?
Are you ready to let go of the feeling of burnout, sadness, stress, anger, and overwhelmed?
Let me know in the comment below.
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